You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is my gift to your gina
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
