Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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