Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
