he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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