I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
