It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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