You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
