I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
