I got chris browned last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
where am i from again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
