there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
