Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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