listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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