we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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