so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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