I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
