good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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