Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
