one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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