I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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