Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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