My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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