just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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