She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
