I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
