Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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