i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's blow job season.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
