exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No subtext here. People are naked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
