I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
