Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
