can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
