Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
