I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
