You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
