May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
