Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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