he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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