If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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