the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
