god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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