I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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