If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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