I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
