who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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