you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
