Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
