Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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