I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
