Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
