winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
