It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
