Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
